In the Flow with Healing Waters

Navigating the Depths of Grief: A Journey of Healing and Hope

Grief is a universal human experience, yet it is one of the most challenging emotions to navigate. Whether you lost a loved one, ended a relationship, had a significant life change, or even an intangible loss like the loss of a dream, grief can permeate every aspect of our being, leaving a feeling of loss, overwhelm, and loneliness. But also has the potential for profound healing and transformation. 

I have heard about the stages of grief.  When I looked them up, it outlines them as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Since losing Denise, I wasn’t sure what I have felt.  I figured I was in a stage of shock or was it denial?  For someone who asks myself and others everyday “how do you feel about that?”, this was difficult for me to not have a clear answer.  

Sometimes I was good and sometimes I was not.  It really doesn’t matter, as that is how grief is.  It sneaks up on a single word that is spoken.  You can see someone who opens your heart with their love and support and the waterworks can start. You can realize you will never be able to hug that person ever again and reality can hit you like a ton of bricks.  

Grief is a roller coaster.  At one point I heard myself say “I don’t know how to deal with this grief”.  Someone close to me said, “You do it however it feels right for you.”  

I went back to work right away because it felt better than staying home and feeling depressed and sad.  I realized I was trying to navigate this new path by just being in the moment because that is all I can do.  I can’t go back and do things differently so it didn’t happen, nor can I prevent any future events.  So I sit in the present, feel, take care of myself, and listen to Denise who is in my heart.  

One morning, amidst the fog of grief, came a moment of clarity. As I grappled with the question of when I would stop being reminded of Denise at work, a voice inside me spoke with unwavering certainty: “Why would you want to go to work without thinking of her?”  In that moment, I realized that Denise would always be a part of me, woven into the very fabric of my being.

I keep practicing this concept.  When I feel alone, I remember I am not alone as I have a lot of people around supporting me.  When I feel sad, I think of something funny we did together.  When I want to tell her something and she’s not there, I tell her out loud anyway.  When I miss her, I remember all the good talks and laughter we shared.  When I ask why she was taken? I know she is doing God’s work on the other side.  

Loss of a loved one changes everything.  It has shifted my thinking, my relationships, my compassion, and my outlook on life.  As Denise would say, ”Don’t live with regrets.  Live in the present moment as much as you can.  Have those conversations you want to have openly, love the people around you unconditionally, and give hugs.”  

In the flow of grief,

Susan