In the Flow with Healing Waters
Let me fix that
As far back as I can remember, I have been a “fix it” person. I have always enjoyed solving problems. It gives me personal satisfaction. It really can be anything. If a faucet is not working right I problem-solve and decide if it needs to soak in vinegar, or if a part needs to be replaced. If someone talks about something they are trying to figure out, my brain automatically looks at how it could work differently, and I offer them a solution OR I will actually do it for them. I help complete strangers because they are struggling to pick something up or I hold open a door.
I was raised this way. At a family gathering last summer, one of my cousins and I were talking about my dad. He said to me, “If your dad had a dollar in his pocket, it was your dollar.” (he use to buy complete strangers a meal if they were hungry) It is true. He gave and didn’t expect anything in return and I really enjoyed that part of my life. I think it is a great way to live. Yes, this is a nice attribute, but this past week I had an interesting awareness. I realized that at times, there is an urgency to fix something, even if it is not mine to fix.
Maybe you can relate.
Recently, I have visited with a number of people who are more than casual acquaintances who are experiencing things that are intense and stressful in their lives. During the conversations, I wanted to fix their problems, but they weren’t asking me to fix any of them.
Then came a big realization for me, why I go into FIX IT mode!
I found out that a big reason I attempt to “fix it” for people, is because there is an uneasy feeling within me that is driving me to “fit it”
It might be I think things are going to take a bad turn if they continue with that course of action. I want to save them from that experience. Sometimes I believe it is because I am uncomfortable; it might be that I have a solution for them and I can’t (don’t) keep my thoughts or opinions to myself. They did not ask me. I give it freely. Can you relate to this?
It is as if I HAVE TO SAY OR DO SOMETHING. It is not through a thought process. It is a reaction to an uncomfortable feeling and I just want that feeling to stop.
I am beginning to realize it has nothing to do with the other person. It is mine to look at and mine to process. I can’t really do some of these things for others just like nobody can really do it for me.
A new realization is that I may be doing them more harm than good when I try to fix something that is not mine to fix. Even more concerning is when I “fix it” it reinforces that they cannot do “it,” potentially causing a feeling of inadequacy for them.
Today is a new day and my awareness is to recognize when I want to go into fix-it mode. Instead of fixing it I can ask them if they want me to help or if they just want me to listen and simply allow.
Ask the question and allow the flow,