In the Flow with Healing Waters
Halting the expectation pattern
Growing and learning about ourselves is how we evolve and ultimately heal as humans. Personally, I haven’t always been open to looking at my patterns and my reactions/ my “stuff”. However, I have realized it’s always the tough stuff that I don’t want to look at that is ALWAYS what holds me back the most in my healing journey.
Over the past few weeks, I have been feeling and noticing one of my patterns/triggers bubble up…..I get disappointed when people don’t meet my expectations.
As I sat with this and wanted to understand, I googled the word expectations. I came upon an article from Psychology Today that stated this quote.
“Expectations are premeditated resentments.”
As the universe is always helping us look at our tough stuff, I was given an opportunity to look at my expectations at Thanksgiving. We had plans to go to my sister’s house with her family, my family, and our mom. Everything was set, food was planned, and timing was all communicated and figured out amongst my teenage boys. (I emphasize my teenage boys because sometimes our communication gets a little skewed. So I tend to reiterate and ask what they hear me say, so we are all on the same page).
Thanksgiving Day arrives. One of my sons was sick a few days before, so when I woke up and checked in on him, it didn’t surprise me that he wasn’t well enough to go to Thanksgiving. I kind of expected that the night before, so I was able to let it go.
One of my other sons texted me at 10am and stated he didn’t know how he was going to make our Thanksgiving as well as his girlfriends 2 family dinners all on the same day. I told him sometimes you have to make difficult decisions, but whatever you choose just choose what you want to do. He told me that he will TRY to make our Thanksgiving. I didn’t expect that.
My first reaction inside of myself was hurt. I have longed identified this familiar feeling when my heart hurts. What if he doesn’t come? What if he chooses his girlfriend’s family over ours? I haven’t seen him much since he started college so I missed him and was expecting to have him part of our Thanksgiving.
Looking back throughout my life, my happiness resulted when my expectations were fulfilled. When things go the way I BELIEVE they should go, I am happier. When people do what I expect them to do, it feels better. When I meet my own personal expectations, I feel happier.
When they don’t go my way, I can feel sad, hurt, frustrated and resentful towards others and myself.
So why do we do this? It’s human nature to look for happiness on the outside of ourselves. That’s what I was doing in a way….looking forward to and expecting to have my son’s presence at Thanksgiving so I would have a happier day.
In that moment when he said he would ‘try to make it” I felt closed. I was closing myself because I was disappointed. I was closing myself because I was sad. I was closing myself because he wasn’t meeting MY expectations.
Another big pattern of mine is to hang on to the disappointment and let it affect my day, but today I decided something different for myself. This was the time to change this pattern for me. I decided to celebrate the people that were there and just be happy. And that’s what I did.
People around us are always helping us grow and heal if we can look at them as opportunities for ourselves. My son helped me see a pattern of mine so I can heal and move forward. Are they always easy to look at? No, but there is freedom in it. Freedom from patterns that close us. Freedom from patterns that keep us doing the same thing over and over.
So if you find yourself having expectations of people around you or of yourself, look at it, feel it, and choose something different.
Every single person ultimately chooses their own happiness. It can start by simply saying “I choose to be happy today no matter who I am with, where I am, or what others choose to do” and then feel the happiness and the power in that. It feels much better!
Letting go of expectations in the flow,
Susan
