In the Flow with Healing Waters
Stopping the “fix it” pattern
In the words of Kevin Farrow, “It really does not matter what is happening to us, but what is important is how WE ARE about what is happening to us”. No doubt if you are reading these blogs you have read this comment before. This is so profound, and if we practice this it literally forces us to look at ourselves.
We all hear about the plumber with leaky pipes in his own home right? He fixes everyone else’s messes but never gets around to his own.
We can write blogs, give advice, encourage others, teach classes, guide people to helpful resources etc etc. And yet when it comes to our own “stuff” we fall short. Just like the plumber who doesn’t get around to his stuff. I am talking about myself here.
I recently found myself getting into someone else’s spin. You may ask, “Why did you do that?” Because, I am programmed to fix things. The spin soon became a tornado with 3 people spinning out of control. It continued for 5 days until I made a conscious decision to remove myself from the spin. When I did, the spin got slower and slower. Communication became clear (with 2 of us) and the spin stopped.
What was my lesson? (there is ALWAYS a lesson)
What I learned is that when there is an upset of any kind, I get anxiety. I don’t like the feeling of anxiety so I need to jump in and “fix” whatever is going on so “I” feel better. First of all, it was not mine to fix, I never really fixed anything, I put myself in the middle of a situation that I actually made worse, and yet it was all with my best intentions to help. If I had recognized my feeling of anxiety and put my focus on what I needed to do to deal with my anxiety this situation would have been totally different for me. So to repeat Kevin’s profound statement “What is happening to you is not as important as how you are about what is happening to you”. Sometimes it may not actually be happening to you specifically but in some way impacts you. Pay attention. How are YOU? I was uncomfortable with my anxiety and to make myself feel better, I jumped into fix-it mode because that is my pattern.
So why does “how we are” even matter? Looking at my situation I created 5 days of stress, lack of sleep, worry, frustration, anger, more anxiety, and the list could go on but you get the point. By the end of those 5 days I was physically sick with some type of virus. I was sick for 7 days with a fever reaching 102.8 chills, muscle aches, headache, sleeping 10 -12 hrs for 2 days and sleeping off and on during the day. I rarely get sick. It is a fact that stress lowers your immune system. If I had made the choice to be supportive, love them where they were at, and then took myself to the corner to deal with how I was feeling I don’t think I would have gotten sick.
We are all human. We make mistakes. We need to practice self-kindness and not beat ourselves up every time we mess up. I think the important thing is to own our behaviors and learn from our lessons. It is an opportunity for growth. I am thankful for the tools I have for whatever life throws at me but if I’m honest, old habits, my subconscious, how I am thinking at the moment, and my emotions are in full swing before I remember the tools. This spin lasted 5 days with unpleasant consequences however it could have gone on much longer had I not had the insight to remove myself.
What tools do you have in your toolbox to deal with anxiety, depression, unresolved issues in relationships, current relationship issues, wanting change but not sure of the next step, resentment, not feeling good enough, wanting more joy and happiness in your life, what to make for dinner? Ok maybe dinner isn’t such a big issue but sometimes it feels like it to me. Healing Waters has so much to offer to help in your personal journey as you figure out life. Having sessions, taking a class, the Perfect Triangle Program, are all ways I have added to my toolbox. Is my life perfect? Well no you just read that it’s not, but I can say with total honesty and certainty that what I have learned through Healing Waters has changed my life for the better in a huge way. I will continue to practice paying attention to “how I am”.
A work in progress in the flow,