In the Flow with Healing Waters

As it has been very apparent to me, over the last few months, I am having lots of experiences of what feels like many challenges and struggles.  What I have come to understand is that they have been gifts of transformation. 

Transferring my beliefs and old patterns, opinions of myself and others, trying to make others do things “my way” in the attempt to feel better inside of myself.

This week was particularly emotional.  I had a huge wake up call.  I felt my breaking point.  Breaking not only in my heart, but also in patterns of how I have been in my relationships with my children and my husband.

I have always tried to guide my kids to go the way I thought was best- because that worked for me.  They are fighting my way every inch of the way.  I haven’t been doing a great job accepting that.  All kinds of emotions have come up in this process like fear, control, anger, sadness and those are not particularly fun to feel. 

This big wake-up call this week shook me to my core.  I lost my cool in a “not very proud parent moment”.  But I quickly accepted it was a wake-up call to myself that I need to do things differently. 

I felt my extreme heartbreak, as I rocked and sobbed, I let it engulf me.  I had never felt something that deep and personal.  It was like a shockwave moving through my body that I couldn’t stop.  It was a very lonely and surreal moment.  Over those few hours of crying and feeling my sadness, I just breathed through it and knew it would eventually stop.  And it did.

I asked for forgiveness from my son, who graciously gave it, then went to bed and slept peacefully until morning. 

I rose the next day, I felt a shift.  It’s hard to describe into words, but I knew I was different.  As I showed up at work with swollen eyes and a quiet demeanor, I didn’t feel embarrassed.  I even talked about my “unproud moment” I had the night before.  I took it as a gift, nothing other than that. 

I have re-evaluated that moment a few times this week and took some time for ME.  As I was kayaking yesterday, a big bass boat darted in front.  I slowly just turned the kayak directly into the wave.  As we all know, when you go directly through it, it keeps you stable vs. when you hit a wave sideways it will feel like you are going to fall out.  I realized that is what I did that night.  I just went right through the wave of emotions and changed.

The next time you get a wake-up call in your life, I invite you to feel into it and hit it head on.  As the energy of the emotion hits you, stay with it.  The energy will eventually dissipate and level out.  When it does, look at it as a gift.  A gift to a new beginning, a new way of being, a new way of loving, accepting yourself and others. 

Into the wave,

Susan