In the Flow with Healing Waters

Have you ever agreed to do something, even though you knew you’d be spreading yourself thin? Do you have a hard time saying no without feeling guilty about it? 

Setting healthy boundaries is a learned skill that is necessary to be true to yourself, increase self esteem, focus on your well-being, and avoid resentment and feeling like you don’t have any time for yourself. Boundaries make our expectations clear and build a foundation for happier relationships. I think most of us would agree that this would be a great way to be!

Why do we avoid making boundaries?

-you want to be liked by others, so you put everyone first and yourself last

-you want to avoid conflict, so you say yes to most things, even though you don’t want to

-fear of what others will think

-assuming you will make others mad

-fear of being seen as selfish

In reality, when we live in avoidance of setting boundaries, we are not honoring ourselves and we are giving away our power. In the long run, it will leave you feeling depleted, less than, unfulfilled and taken advantage of. 

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Boundaries help you decide when to participate and when you need to leave. 

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How can you start setting healthy boundaries?

The really fun thing is you can change the pattern! You’ll get better at setting boundaries the more you do it. Confidence will build and you’ll realize that people will actually respect you when you say no instead of always saying yes. There isn’t any reason to over explain why you’re saying no. Keep it simple and see what happens.

It’s all about changing the pattern. Sometimes, when the opportunity arises where a boundary needs to be set, it’s in the moment. You’re having a conversation with someone and they ask you to do something. If you’re unsure if that is something you’d like to do, pause and say, “I’ll get back to you on that.” It gives you time to think about what you’d like to do. It’s important to start somewhere and start getting the repetitions in place.    

Make sure you are clear with your boundary, know why you need it and that you can carry through on your boundary. If you don’t know why you need it, you won’t be clear in speaking it, resulting in not being able to follow through. Be direct when stating your boundary so as to not cause confusion for the other party. Don’t apologize or over explain. This makes it seem like you are doing something wrong. Lastly, use a nice tone when speaking. You may cause the other party to get defensive if you yell or are sarcastic when stating your boundary. 

Setting boundaries with parents, kids, grandkids, a significant other, your boss, a roommate, siblings, or when you’re volunteering can seem challenging. Don’t allow the fear to creep in which holds you back from setting the boundary. Listen to your gut and don’t make your boundary personal. It will only be as difficult as you make it. 

In the Flow,

Deb